And now, every atheist comment thread on the Internet, ever

“Oh, those silly Christians!  Look, here are several contradictory passages from the Bible, which I have taken out of context!  Never mind that the fundamentalist Christians – those whom I am subjecting to my public ridicule, along with the many Christians who do not identify in that way (not that I care) – do precisely the same thing with precisely the same work to justify their beliefs…when I do it, it’s really justified, because I’m one of the Brights!  You know, the sole repositors of wisdom and knowledge in our otherwise hopeless and doomed society!  Good thing I’m not a fundamentalist!”

“Right you are, my friend – even though of course we have nothing in common, for we refuse to be defined by something that we’re not, despite the fact that we agree solidly in our object of derision!  I especially enjoy your very intelligent observation that Christians are the sole cause of societal ills!  After all, no officially atheistic society, such as the Soviet Union’s, or the People Republic of China’s, or Cambodia under the Khmer Rouge, has ever committed any atrocities…those are simply the province of Christianized societies!  Boy, I’m glad my superior intelligence renders me immune to typical human failings!”

“Indeed!  Here’s some more anti-Christian stuff I found, in the form of quotes from Einstein, Jefferson, and Stephen Hawking (although that last one is out of context, but no matter).  Look at all the obviously intelligent people who agree with us!  This must mean that they hate Christians, too!  They must, because they are atheist, and atheists on the Internet can’t write demeaning and patronizing things about any other religion than Christianity, because it’s the biggest and it provides us with the occasional goofy racist pastor in Nebraska or South Carolina, which we can generalize to symbolize the entire religion and thereby 75% of the people in the U.S.!  I mean, making fun of devout Jews or Buddhists or such would just be awkward…”


“What an astute observation, fellow Bright!  Glad that you’re not a Christian and therefore not stupid!  Let’s discuss this, loudly, in a coffeehouse nearby!  And remember to remark how it’s only Christians who are judgmental – not us!”

I could go on (for several pages)…but I think that’s enough to save us all some time.


3 Responses

  1. It’s humans that are judgmental. By the way, I’m even including Christians and “Brights”. People have been tossing excerpts at each other to prove to the other group that they they were wrong for centuries. Honestly, I’m hoping we wake up any day now and realize how silly and childish we’re being. I don’t care what you or anyone else believe. I care what you try to make me believe, and what you DO.


  2. Fair, to an extent; everyone has their own way, and it’s human for people to insist that theirs is correct, since no one in their right mind would follow something they know in their heart to be wrong.

    However, when you have been repeatedly subjected to those who feel that they are so beyond reproach in what they believe that they are literally incapable of being wrong – and that you are damned to irrelevance in their eyes for the actions of those who identify as you do, without reference to anything personal about you beyond that…yeah, you might feel it necessary to speak out.

  3. Kind of bugs me when they *do* debate it in the coffee house loudly – stay quiet and you’re tacitly agreeing with them or too insecure in your faith to defend it (because you know you’ll lose, y’know); actually debate them and, while you may actually stay calm and rational and civilly back up their fallacies while they just debate louder and louder their points (eventually resorting to name-calling), you’re just dragging yourself down to their level, or when you eventually give up because they’re too obstinate, that means you admitted defeat and atheism is indeed more right than Christianity, y’know.

    (Note, of course, this doesn’t describe pretty much any atheist I know or have met personally, as most of them are nice people (there are dicks in the bunch, but at the same percentage levels as society in general), but the internet debaters (such as Scooter is talking about) invariably aren’t.)

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