Panic in the streets

alexToday is the seventieth anniversary of Orson Welles’ and the Mercury Theatre’s famous radio adaptation of H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds. As a result of that broadcast, panicked residents of New Jersey mistakenly believed that Martians were attacking the Earth, and their state and the city of New York in particular. (That very fact was probably the one biggest tip-off that folks were dealing with a hoax. If you came all the way from Mars and could land on Earth just about anywhere, would you pick New Jersey?)

Now that it’s seventy years later, residents anywhere in the country or indeed on Earth would be well-advised, or at least forgiven by public opinion, for taking to the streets and re-enacting the whole thing. Signs of the Apocalypse are upon us. The very idea that the Tampa Bay No-Longer-Bedeviled Rays made it to the World Series should have been a bellwether that something was drastically wrong with the universe, but it was confirmed last night as the Phillies, avenging the loss of Steve Irwin, beat those Rays and won the whole shebang, in what was probably the most poorly called Series in the past fifty years. (The net effect was probably not great, but that was due to the sheer number of botched calls on both sides cancelling each other out. MLB doesn’t need instant replay – they need Adderall.)

Now, Philadelphia does have some nice people in among the vicious, booing rabble – as Jay Johnstone once observed, when there’s a rainout, Phillies fans go to the airport and boo landings – and some parts of the city are not in a completely dilapidated state…and of course they can make a mean cheese steak. But Philadelphia has never won anything of note before, and the only reason they might do so now is that things have gone completely off the rails. The last time the Phils won was in 1980, at the height of economic hard times. In fact, the only thing that’s a more consistent indicator of economic disaster is AC/DC being at the top of the charts, which, thank God, we know won’t be hap — oh, shit!

Yes, folks, in the post-Phillie world, up is down, day is night, freedom is slavery, Alaska is independent, and a 4% diff in tax rates is “socialism”. Libertarians are starting a run on canned goods with the sighting of the first census-taker (oh, wait, that’s normal). All bets are off. I am now predicting that Barack Obama will sodomize a goat on live TV while John McCain quits all politics on the eve of the election to become a hip-hop star. Running Glock battles with Three Six Mafia as part of the ongoing East Coast/West Coast joint are sure to follow. (Maybe Rosa Clemente can work something out there.) Next we’ll suddenly discover that North Dakota is a swing state.

Incidentally, as I mentioned before, The Secret Frequency will be going “live” on Election Night. What that means is that we’ll be recording short segments, maybe 15-30 minutes in length, doing an absolute minimum of processing (just putting an intro and outro on them, really), and then uploading them immediately, resulting in a series of almost up-to-the-minute looks at what’s happening with Greens and other parties throughout the evening. We’ll be doing some on-the-air interviews as well with Green personalities. If you’d like to be on as well, feel free to leave a comment here, or at our sister site, The Secret Frequency.


One Response

  1. I intend on listening to War of the Worlds tomorrow (I have a CD of it from an MP3 I found on the ‘net many years ago – before that I directly taped it off the radio, but since I don’t use tapes any more … ) If possible, I’ll try to get my 6 year old and almost-4 year old to listen too, I bet big money they won’t be the least bit frightened.

    Martians landing in New Jersey? Totally possible – don’t they want to look for a place that looks like home and where they’d blend in inconspicuously? The only place I can think of is Jersey.

    Never thought of AC/DC as an economic indicator before. I listen to them no matter what the market is like, but I’ve never noticed any well-to-do people rocking out to Bon Scott (usually just stoners.)

    I hope that if McCain wins, Pail will use her AIP connections to have the state secede! Good riddance to them! Then she’d have to be kicked out as well, being from another country and all …

    Hmmm, being on The Secret Frequency, sounds tempting. We do fully intend to watch the results Tuesday (my wife’s been glued to CNN anyways). I’d be willing to offer a Canadian perspective if you want …

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