The State of the Union, abridged

alexAnd now, a quick summary of where we are, courtesy of your friends at the Hidden Message.

  • We’re broke. No, I mean really. Really, really, no dough, all skint. As in out-of-doors, hand-to-mouth, ramen-is-lookin’-good broke. Wall Street is advising clients to invest in canned goods and ammunition.* And those in charge – the ones who nominally have to fix all this – are the idiots whose belief that everything is best when it’s auctioned off for a profit on the way to the golf course caused about 95% of this mess in the first place. This means that not only are we broke, we’re also screwed. And so is the next President.
  • Speaking of which, the nominal “opposition” “party” is lining up to drink the Kool-Aid proffered by these same idiots. Doing the dispensing is the current Presidential candidate, who is just happy that his base thinks he walks on water and everyone else is distracted by the wailing and gnashing of teeth on Wall Street – otherwise they might realize that caving in when the chips are down is really nothing new for this guy (FISA, war funding, etc.)
  • The Great Reformer, John McCain – a “maverick” in the same sense that Obama is “opposition” – is “suspending his campaign” and heading back to Washington so he can strap on his Superman cape and save the country. This apparently means…um, we’re not sure. He’s still collecting money, doing interviews (except on Letterman), running ads, and the like; he knows as much about the economy as he does about taming mountain lions in the Kalahari; and he really can’t strap on a cape without his wife’s help. But he won’t debate, given that this is so all-fired important, and especially he won’t allow have Sarah Palin debate. She should be seen and not heard, after all…meanwhile, the “maverick” is cozying up to the current Pres Resident on his recovery plan (*ack ack ack*) and desperately hoping no one brought along a camera, or otherwise makes the connection that this walking disaster incumbent of the 30%-and-falling approval rating is actually, y’know, in his party.
  • While McCain drops the Cone of Silence on his cartoon-character running mate, Cynthia McKinney has offered to debate Obama in McCain’s absence on Friday. This will of course happen, right after Sen. Obama removes his own appendix with a bottle of Scotch and a rusty chainsaw.
  • The Libbies believe that the reason all of this happened is that there was just too much regg-uh-lay-shun, durn it!…which is the best reason I can think of to not allow the LP to run a luncheon, much less the country. Or, rather, they would be saying this if they weren’t currently having an ego-fueled bitchfest between Bob Barr and Ron Paul that makes Ralph Nader look like Mr. Rogers (more forthcoming from the HM on that score).
  • In a related topic, Chuck Baldwin of the John Birch Soci Constitution Party, the noted pastor who believes that America was founded solely as a Christian nation, is the current crush object and donation recipient of the Ron Paul Blimp of Luuuvvv. In further related news, Verne Troyer has signed as a center by the Los Angeles Lakers, and a spokesman for the sun has revealed that it will be rising in the west tomorrow, “just for a change of pace”.

Yeah, I’m watching this election. The problem is, I’m not watching it from far enough away.

* Yeah, I nicked this line. Couldn’t help it.

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7 Responses

  1. > This means that not only are we broke, we’re also screwed. And so is the next President.

    See, while I overall approve of the concept *in theory* (same with communism) this is one of the Achilles heels of having a term limit. Where Bush is sitting right now, he can basically throw a wild party in the house, knowing that he won’t be the one to clean it up. Personally, my money was on him screwing things up only after it was clear a Republican wouldn’t win (both parties are still at 40%+ in the polls, so a McCain presidency is by no means ruled out), but I guess he just couldn’t wait. So, even if the Greens win, they’re screwed.

    > his base thinks [Obama] walks on water

    Which brings to mind my favourite of the Obama myths on snopes.com, my favourite for the sheer unbelievablilty of it (yet, I’m sure there are many that do believe): http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/obamaheals.asp

    > He’s still collecting money, doing interviews (except on Letterman),

    Blows off Letterman because he claims he had to fly back to Washington (in a cape rather than an aircraft, no doubt), and then gets caught doing an interview at the exact same time Letterman’s running with Katie Couric, like 5 blocks away. LOL!

    (And, I always gotta wonder: interviews and the first presidential debate of the campaign are not as important as the economy, which he needs to be in Washington for; yet the RNC convention (which voted him as candidate) was more important than Gustav (he did not leave Minneapolis to go to Washington or Louisiana). And people are thinking of voting for this man????)

    > especially he won’t allow have Sarah Palin debate.

    He’s exercising quite a tight control on those under him. If he gets elected as President, Steven Harper will absolutely love him.

    > makes Ralph Nader look like Mr. Rogers

    You *were* being sarcastic, right?

    > Yeah, I’m watching this election. The problem is, I’m not watching it from far enough away.

    We’re watching it too, but, again, not from far enough away.

    Kinda makes you feel like you’re watching two cars come at each other on the highway. You can see the accident going to happen, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it except watch the carnage when the cars meet.

  2. > This means that not only are we broke, we’re also screwed. And so is the next President.

    See, while I overall approve of the concept *in theory* (same with communism) this is one of the Achilles heels of having a term limit. Where Bush is sitting right now, he can basically throw a wild party in the house, knowing that he won’t be the one to clean it up. Personally, my money was on him screwing things up only after it was clear a Republican wouldn’t win (both parties are still at 40%+ in the polls, so a McCain presidency is by no means ruled out), but I guess he just couldn’t wait. So, even if the Greens win, they’re screwed.

    > his base thinks [Obama] walks on water

    Which brings to mind my favourite of the Obama myths on snopes.com, my favourite simply for the sheer unbelievablilty of it (yet, I’m sure there are many that do believe): http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/obamaheals.asp

    > He’s still collecting money, doing interviews (except on Letterman),

    Blows off Letterman because he claims he had to fly back to Washington (in a cape rather than an aircraft, no doubt), and then gets caught doing an interview at the exact same time Letterman’s running with Katie Couric, like 5 blocks away. LOL!

    (And, I always gotta wonder: interviews and the first presidential debate of the campaign are not as important as the economy, which he needs to be in Washington for; yet the RNC convention (which voted him as candidate) was more important than Gustav (he did not leave Minneapolis to go to Washington or Louisiana). And people are thinking of voting for this man????)

    > especially he won’t allow have Sarah Palin debate.

    He’s exercising quite a tight control on those under him. If he gets elected as President, Steven Harper will absolutely love him.

    > makes Ralph Nader look like Mr. Rogers

    You *were* being sarcastic, right?

    > Yeah, I’m watching this election. The problem is, I’m not watching it from far enough away.

    We’re watching it too, but, again, not from far enough away.

    Kinda makes you feel like you’re watching two cars come at each other on the highway. You can see the accident going to happen, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it except watch the carnage when the cars meet.

  3. > This means that not only are we broke, we’re also screwed. And so is the next President.

    See, this is why, *on paper*, term limits are a great thing, and I wholeheartedly agree with the *concept*, but in actuality, it’s doomed to failure. (The above can also be said for communism). Now that Dubya knows he just has a few months left, he can throw a wild party in the house, and he isn’t going to be the one to clean it up! So no matter who the next president is, even if it’s Green, you’re screwed.

    >his base thinks [Obama] walks on water

    Which reminds me of my favourite myth about Obama, favourite because it’s so audacious! And people actually write these things, believe these things, and pass these things on?

    > doing interviews (except on Letterman),

    Oh, I had to laugh my ass off when I saw a Letterman clip where Dave discovered that at the time he was *supposed* to be in Washington, in lieu of doing his show, he was actually giving an interview to Katie Couric not 5 blocks away! Busted!

    One thing I can’t understand – he blows off the first presidential debate of the campaign citing the economy as “more important”, yet the RNC convention (where he was officially declared the candidate) wasn’t postponed for Gustav, they did find a way to do both then. Was the RNC convention more important than a hurricane? He’;d fly to Washington at the drop of a hat (presumably by cape, not by plane), but not to Louisiana?

    > While McCain drops the Cone of Silence on his cartoon-character running mate, Cynthia McKinney has offered to debate Obama in McCain’s absence on Friday. This will of course happen, right after Sen. Obama removes his own appendix with a bottle of Scotch and a rusty chainsaw.

    While this may be a good idea to get exposure for the Greens, it just ain’t what it’s about, and people aren’t going to watch it if it isn’t the Democrat vs. the Republican. It’s like if you have a rock concert with the Beatles and the Rolling Stones playing (bear with me, I don’t believe you’re a fan of either, but I’m analogizing the fame levels), and the Beatles pulled out for whatever reason, so they replaced the Beatles with .. Rod Stewart. Beatles fan are ticked off, Rolling Stone fans are going WTF, and everyone immediately calls the concert a joke. The only ones happy are Rod Stewart fans (both of them!) for the massive exposure.

    > makes Ralph Nader look like Mr. Rogers

    You *were* being sarcastic, right?

  4. The 1992 Presidential Debates with Ross Perot were not dull. His warnings have now come true. Replace John McCain with Ron Paul. Add Ralph Nader and Cynthia McKinney. Barack Obama must earn his victory, not win by default.

  5. I’ll get to the rest of this later, but the one glaring thing that jumps out at me here: where did you get the idea that I was not a Beatles fan??

  6. Sorry, I think I was conflating Weasels.

  7. You *were* being sarcastic, right?

    Oh, right, like I’m ever sarcastic.

    Anyway, yeah, I’m a huge Beatles fan; I grew up on them in order to avoid the music of the late 1970s/early 1980s. I like the Stones, too, though not quite as much.

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